You are elected President of the world. What is the first thing you do?
Declare illegal all use of buzz words such as, 'take on board', 'flag up', 'move the goalposts', 'level playing' field, etc.

Do you associate a song or piece of music with a particular time or place in your life?
Johnny Kidd and the Pirates' "Shaking All Over" linked to my days of wondrous puberty in Blackpool circa 1962.

What was the last dream you remember?
Dreaming about paying too much for a hotel in Denver, Colorado. (Scotsman's nightmare, actually.)

Historical character you would like to have met?
The original Jethro Tull, so I could try to persuade him to change his name.

What has been the best year of your life?
1996, the year I didn't die from thrombosis.

Describe your favorite meal - appetizer, main course, dessert, beverage.
Dal soup. King prawn dhansak. Rice. Sag aloo. Mossala popadoms. No pudding. A real Kingfisher beer, not the bollocks they brew over here.

What physical attribute do you a) least b) most like about yourself?
a) Congenitally deformed little finger on the right hand, which makes playing the flute more difficult.
b) My 29" waistline, firm stomach, trim buttocks and manly vigour. Yeah, you and me both wish, lumpkin.

What do you think will happen to you when you die?
Ascent to heaven, probably on a stairway flanked by Page, Plant and all the members of Spinal Tap.

Most embarrassing moment?
Having a widdly-wee during the guitar solo a couple of months ago in Eastern Germany, not realizing I was in full view of the entire audience from spurt to spatter.

Read any good books lately?
"Hannibal" by Thomas Harris, which was surprisingly well written, beautifully researched and distinctly disturbing. Not required reading for vegans, luckily.

Do you regret how you treated someone?
All too often. And it's not over.

If you were a song or piece of music, which one would you be?
Beethoven's Tenth Symphony. I'd be worth a fortune.

How would you spend a day off at home?
Strangely and worryingly, playing the flute with only my cats to listen.

What other career would you like to have had?
I tried to sign up for the Blackpool Constabulary as a police cadet, aged 16. They wouldn't have me. Even now, I doubt that they would reconsider.


When was the last time you cried?
When one of our cats died.

What is the worst thing you are willing to make public about yourself?
That I have never tried drugs. I am deeply ashamed of this, but I promise to try better in the next life to be one of the lads. I can manage the beer and curry, honest.

If you could go back in your life and change one thing, what would it be?
The 'Jethro' in Jethro Tull. Norman, Julien, Damon - anything but that bloody J-word.

Have you done anything which you are ashamed of?
Not so far today, which is about as good as it gets.

Do you have a hero or heroine?
Rene Magritte, Frank Zappa and Jeremy from Aeroflot. Two hims and a not too sure.

What is your favorite place in the world?
The first class section of any airplane, any time, when it's that surprise lucky free upgrade.

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